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Oceans never listened to us, anyway. [14 Dec 2007|06:05am]
It's 6 AM. I can't sleep. This is normal for me. I think I'm going crazy. Insomnia is fun.

I must thank Carey for the following.

5 joes thought to| respond

There's nothing in here that you would call alive [19 Nov 2007|01:30am]
I've learned to love Boston because of my frequent visits there. I still suck at using the T, but it allows me to walk around a lot when I'm lost. I hope I end up in or close to Boston or New York City. Boston would probably be a better fit because of the large pharmaceutical presence in the surrounding area. We'll see though.

Thanksgiving is going to be good for me. It'll be nice to see everyone again.

My floor played Starcraft pretty much all day today. It was kickass. I mean, really geeky, but still kickass. I suck at it though.

I don't know what to think anymore, down is up, left is right, and green is knife. (Don't even get me started on that last one.) I've never been second-guessing myself so much in my life. I'm up to like fifth-guessing on certain things. It just feels like I've lost this connection with myself that I used to have. Basically, my confidence is completely gone. It's an odd feeling.

I want to write a musical about a dental hygienist name Mac A. Roni, who ends up falling in love with one of his patients when he sees the portrait of the Virgin Mary in their gumline while they are under anesthesia. Don't lie, it has potential.
5 joes thought to| respond

The Tuff Ghost is invincible, no guts came out when he bled. [10 Nov 2007|03:14am]
Wow. Uh... Yeah. Not much I can say, really. It's been, well, it's been a really long time since I've updated this. I hope it's not like that old saying though, "It's like riding a bike" because it took me a reallllllly long time to learn how to ride a bike, and I'd really rather not have my father yell at me in my elementary school parking lot again. Twice was enough.

So, I suppose things have changed. I've gone through relationships, as many of you know. Not to say I'm a player or anything like that. If anything, it's the opposite. I'm starting to chafe. I'll know when it's really bad when I start getting turned on when watching those Bowflex commercials with the fit grandma. It's not terrible being single though, I've gained some perspective on myself, and realized I rush things. And boy do I mean rush. The next lucky girl I court will hopefully benefit from my self-consideration. Will it be you? Only time can tell...

Seriously, though, that skirt looks nice on you. (I secretly hope that I just freaked out at least one person right there, even if you are a little mis-dressed for winter.)

College is an odd experience, let me tell you something. I know I just sounded like an old man talking about the hardships he had to face back before the Great War, but bear with me. It's not a bad odd, just an odd. It's weird being forced to connect with people who are vastly different than me based solely on proximity, but its also sort of relieving. Every time I hang out with people on my floor, we bond over something, and its nice to realize that everyone has the same problems as you. I'm still hopefully transferring at the end of this year, but that has nothing to do with the people. I came to college to learn about Biology and about Chemistry, and its looking like UHart isn't the best place for that. Big surprise, I know. Hopefully a school with a more developed science department will throw some duckets my way. We'll just have to see.

College has also made me realize how much I miss everyone I grew up with though. I'm learning to appreciate everyone for what they did and who they were. I mean, I might not have agreed with everything they did at the time, but looking back on it makes me see that I'm not really one to judge. It's sad sometimes to look back on everything that happened, but it's also nice at the same time. Here's to winter break, I suppose.

Alright, well, I guess this is sufficient for right now, I don't want to waste all of my genius on one post. I'm going to try to keep this gournal updated. We'll see how long that lasts.
5 joes thought to| respond

Well, I saw mushroom head, I was born, I was dead [29 Apr 2007|09:05pm]
[ mood | content ]

I love life. College is gonna rule, I'm getting a joint major in Biology and Chemistry, rooming with Ross, and hopefully kicking assssssssss.

Catherin and I are staying together for college, and she's only like an hour away at AIB, so that's all gewd. Yay visits!

Hank had loved cars since he was a tiny little boy playing with his Matchbox hot rod. He would set up jumps and tricks for it to do, all on the wooden floor of his hallway back home. It was so much better driving a real one, his 1970 Dodge Charger, white with green racing stripes. It was his baby, the only thing that had meaning in his otherwise chaotic life. Being a sound technician for a seedy concert venue led him into a lot of brawls and a lot of booze, but he always fell right behind the wheel of his darlin'. It seemed right that they died together, a burning heap of twisted metal on the side of the freeway. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Hank had seen that 18 wheeler a second earlier. I hope sometimes that I could turn back time and make it true. But, as they say, hope is for fuckers and losers, in that order.

I can't wait till prom and then graduation and then summer. They are all going to kick ass, much like me in college starting September. Bam!

6 joes thought to| respond

Giving in can only make me stronger [03 Apr 2007|10:18pm]
So I'm rooming with Ross. Apparently he doesn't know how to spell his street name. This frightens me.

I'm still achey after two weeks, but my blood cell count is fine. What the hell.

Can anyone tell me how they make that weird effect in I Zimbra?

Howard stoops to his knee, grinding the earth with the tip of his index finger. He looked to the north, the vast expanse of trees and brush rolling out in front of him. The sun was low in the sky, just peeking over the horizon of mountains to his back, creating a lengthening effect on his shadow, which hit the rock wall in front of him. It was odd being here after just chopping Ben's corpse into nine pieces and throwing him in the wood chipper. But Howard knew this was good for him. He was done with all that. He knew he was free, and he knew the jackelopes always eat the long grass.

I can't wait for Catherin and I's birthday bonanza!! And Grindhouse on Thursday.

See you bitches lataaaa.
2 joes thought to| respond

Come with us, we'll sail the seas of cheese [13 Mar 2007|10:26pm]
I have too much fun. This is great. My life is great. My life is grate. Tie wife miss trait.

Being in college is nice. My parents don't hate on me as much.

I love Catherin. I can't say it enough. She completes me. (Awwwwwwww.)

I wish I could play bass like Les Claypool. I wish I could play bass.

Herod, the great warrior, stands in front of his men, his brow creaking every now and then when sweat drips to his eye. The flies have surrounded him, his reddish face a beacon for the many vectors of disease. The men do not know what to say, having stood still for many hours without saying or hearing a word. Herod falls to the ground and dies. Shit happens sometimes, I guess.

Hump is a funny word.

Comment with your favorite word. (Cathy, no need, we all know it's sardonic.) Mine happens to be tracheotomy.
3 joes thought to| respond

My building has every convenience, it's gonna make life easy for me [07 Mar 2007|04:35pm]
CAPT week, what can I say. You are perfect. If you were a lady, I would set you up with Mr. Dorr.

I'm glad Clark didn't reject me just yet. That was scary. I mean, they will in April, but I'd much rather it be for my bad grades than for the fact that they lost my transcript. Booooo.

I hope Jenny Shumway lives up to her rumor. That'd make me happy.

I love Catherin. Baby, start layin' out the towels.

You're a kitty kat, meowwwrrr.

DIO!!! \m/
11 joes thought to| respond

Couples that game together, stay together. [04 Mar 2007|02:28pm]
We may fight, be we always come out on top, loving each other. It's nice to know we can get through anything. Catherin + Matas = 4EVaaaaaaaaaaa!

CAPT week is going to be da shit. I can't wait for battlefront and vermonsters. I feel like this may compound my health problems though.

I wish I was in college. That'd be nice. But I like my life, so no worries.

Was I the only one that was scared by the Teletubbies? Not because of the gay one, but by the fact that they were enormous pastel colored creatures?
12 joes thought to| respond

And California won't see another Sunday [25 Feb 2007|07:11pm]
I wonder if people who talk while they eat gain less weight because they are expending calories in order to talk. I wonder about a lot of things. I feel at home deep in thought. I never know why, but I just love sitting places and thinking, looking at others as they pass by. I'd be an awesome hobo.

The problem is, being deep in thought gets me in trouble sometimes. I can pay attention fine, it's not that. But stick me in a car, I'll imagine how we could die over every turn, our car turning over and the gas tank catching fire, our safety belts becoming restraints. Yet, when my mind is on things such as that, I underthink other things. Responses become hair-triggered defenses. I don't even have to think about talking sometimes, i just find myself in the middle of a sentence. That's my life, basically. I'm stuck between overthinking and underthinking everything.

Now, you might view that as a terrible existence, but, on the contrary, I'm actually extremely happy with it. It adds a sense of spontaneity and surprise to my life. I'll be thinking about a knife ripping through my skin, shredding my intestine and releasing bile from my gallbladder into my body cavity, when all of a sudden I find myself saying, "Your mom likes cheese." I never know when that's going to happen, and something about that makes me feel good about myself. Well, that's me I suppose. Everything's subjective, and the like. I'm sure other people think like this, but I don't care. I feel better when I pretend this is mine.
9 joes thought to| respond

They Wanna Be Their Own Damn Teacher [30 Jan 2007|08:58pm]
So today I was pushing carts and Stop and Shop, and I had The Stars Are Projectors stuck in my head. So I was walking around stamping my feet and pushing carts into one another, singing "Everyone wants a double feature, they wanna be their own damn teacher, and how, all the stars are projectors, yeah, projectin' our lives down to this planet Earth." It was an odd experience, and I'm pretty sure I scared an old lady who I didn't see until I was right next to her belting it. Whatever.

I've been feeling a lot better lately. I think it was the weather. It threw my biological clock off and I just spiraled. Hopefully we get some snow.

I finally feel like I'm ok with things in common with Catherin. I was actually really worried about that, but we recently had a thirty minute conversation about female ejaculation that made me realize we may have too much in common. (We both have no tact.)

Midterms are over. Wooo.

I like where I am right now. I'm getting more optimistic about next year too. Life is good. See you suckas lata!!
8 joes thought to| respond

Train Whistles are the shit. [08 Jan 2007|12:57am]
No one trusts me. No one should though, I haven't given anyone reason to. I'm a very irresponsible person, I've come to realize, and I apologize if I've ever hurt you because of it. I'm going to try to stop being a gossip. I'm so sorry everyone. It sucks to realize even the person you love more than anything can't trust you. It hopefully woke me up, and I'm going to change.
1 joe thought to| respond

Frankly Scarlett, I love you, let's get married. [03 Jan 2007|12:25am]
I'm so scattered lately. I'm not like myself. Old Matas is gone. Say hello to the new one, he might do some of his homework, but he hates himself and can't face that someone might love him. I feel like shit, and I'm pretty sure my stomach hates me.

This has been such a weird school year. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm done. Throwing in the towel, if I must go to boxing metaphors. Goodbye. I think I'm going to go puke. Sorry for dumping this all on you virtually. E-Angst, if you will.
4 joes thought to| respond

I must bribe Father Time... [01 Jan 2007|05:48pm]
It has been a long time since I have updated. My LJ has turned to the streets, hoing it around for money to score some cheap ass crack to make the pain go away. Now, I have to go all Richard Gere on her ass and make her feel special a la Pretty Woman. So here goes.

Catherin and I had our six month anniversary on December 20th. We had dinner together and shared mixed CDs. The one she made for me was amazing and touching, and I listened to it all night until I fell asleep. The one I made for her sucked and I'm pretty sure she listened to it once and threw it in the back of her CD catalog. I suck at these things. But I love her so much that I'm gonna keep trying.

I can finally control Juan Carlos pretty well. I don't mind driving anymore, even though I hardly do because Catherin always drives me everywhere. She refuses to allow me to pick her up, and I'm not sure why.

Vacation was amazing. The holidays were ok, but the best part was just hanging out with everyone at Ross's. And watching awful movies with Catherin.

I like how my close knit group of friends are all together now. Creepy but cute.

Well, I guess its back to the monotony of a scheduled day. See you all in hell.
8 joes thought to| respond

A Tank Can Beat A Car, Alright. [15 Nov 2006|11:07pm]
Car accident. Juanita died. I mourned her loss.

Juan Carlos is trying to replace her. It'll take time.

Just finished my senior blurb. I sound like such a jerk in mine. Whatever, I get emotional easily. I like Degrassi for god sakes.

I love Catherin. She completes me.

Kimi and I are awesome at physics projects.

I'm so pumped to shoot arrows with Carey and Ross on friday. It's been too long since we've just hanged. Yeah....

Comment in a different language.
4 joes thought to| respond

And As Our Hero Becomes An Accomplice In A Misdemeanor... [02 Nov 2006|10:09pm]
It's days like these that I wish I was artsy. Like I tried to make a poster that had the equation: Billy Joel+Steering Wheel=Crying Baby+Explosion, but I couldn't manipulate it to look good. Bah...

Ok. So someone needs to volunteer a camera for me. I want to try something. Imagine a rotating table, like, say, a pottery wheel. Place a tripod on that, and take several frames of something or someone as the camera rotates. It could be done at varying speeds. It should make a large blend of the image. It should. I feel like it would be cool, and I really wanna try it out. I've been dying to do something in photography since I found out that my dad was into it.

I feel like my writing is shit lately. Like I lost my edge or spontaneity or something. Or I never had it and I'm just realizing this now. I feel like Austin Powers in the second movie.

Whatever you say, Orange County is a good movie and Catherin and I love it. It'll be our best man when we elope. Fuck Carey and Ross, they're groomsmen. Now if only we could get Schuyler Fisk to show up as the maid of honor...

Is anyone else pissed off that the robots didn't win anything for the Halloween parade? Because I sure am. RIGGED!

Epistolary comments are required.
6 joes thought to| respond

Metallic Teeth and Sinewy Arms Make For Better Pictures [31 Oct 2006|10:55pm]
Halloween was a blaze of robot dancing, wood stacking, and Sushi eating. Fun, though. And I'm as a excited as Sean Fahey in a Yoo-Jung conference to see Catherin in her Halloween costume.

My AP Calc class is a joke. Sure, I mean it's going to suck next test, but literally no one pays attention anymore. I had a conversation with Gaby who sits in the front of the class during a lecture. I think its because Lebrosse is used to working with her Consumer Math kids. Whatever, we'll see.

I think Catherin and I might have to have a battle to the death with Gaby and Carey to finally prove which couple is better. Or just a fourgy. We'll see.

I'm excited for Friday Movie Night at Ross's. I feel like we haven't had one of those in much too long. Maybe I just miss the summer too much.

Comment with your darkest fears, contact numbers, and daily schedule. Or just in hyperbole.
7 joes thought to| respond

The Curls Fell All Around Me Like Shrapnel From My Essence [21 Sep 2006|10:15pm]
So yes. New perspective on everything since hair isn't in my eyes and nostrils.

I have no gas in my car. I'm pretty sure it'll stop next morning. Hopefully not.

So I've realized I have done nooooooothing about college. Whatever.

Sleeping next to someone is really nice. Really nice.

I'm pretty sure there's a general consensus from my friends that my girlfriend is awesome. Which is great. Because I'm never giving her up. Catwin 4eva!!

Does anyone else miss Seong?

Tell me something in your comments that you've been dying to tell me but couldn't because of the trade restrictions.
5 joes thought to| respond

When Johnny Strikes Up The Band [07 Sep 2006|11:26pm]
People will tell you school blows. People will always tell you that. Until people tell you college blows. Or until people tell you their job blows, and how much they miss high school and college. It's an inevitability, and I just don't honestly care anymore. I live for the moment now. I have been for a while. This is now, and now is this. When you accept that time and space are not going to shift for you, it becomes a little easier to take. I am the happiest I have been in a very long time, but it still hurts to see the pain that many of the people around me are in. It might be that I just have been able to take things easier, but I'm not sure if that's not just a cover. It's possible that I distance myself from everything in my life, so when something fails or leaves or dies, it doesn't matter to me at all. That would be a sad existence, true. Yet, I still don't think that is the case. Mr. Dorr and I had a conversation about sarcasm today, where he stated that point that sarcasm is a ploy of people who are too afraid to say what they mean. While this is true, I still believe it gives sarcasm a bad connotation. It is incredibly useful in conversation, and I believe that it is better to be said sarcastically than not said at all out of fear. Lately, I have been starting to think too much on my own philosophy. I have for a long time been an atheist. I understand why people have religion and I can see its usefulness. But, I also understand that they know as little about life as I do. When I have brought up the theory of the single cell evolving into humans farther down, people have asked me, "Where did those single cells come from? Who created them? Who created the water they were in? Who created the planet, the universe?" I haven't been able to answer that question, and I doubt I ever will. Yet, it is the same case for a religious person. They immediately answer God to those questions, however, the same question can be asked of that. Who created God? If they're answer is He has always been, then the same argument could be said of the universe, leaving no need for a Creator. A religious person and I share the same quandary, and that is what I believe in. The uniting spirit of confusion, of wonder. I think the fact that no one can ever know the answer to these questions is important. It puts every single human on the same plane. No matter the person, they know not of our creation. There is no need for religion when one knows that we are united in ignorance.
4 joes thought to| respond

When does CPR become necrophelia? [02 Sep 2006|12:39am]
There aren't enough days in the week to satisfy me. It seems like they go by so fast. Fuck calenders.

I keep having these ideas for the openings of movies whenever I listen to music alone in my car. I'm pretty sure I'm going insane. That or the muscle relaxant I keep taking. Kidding, that's Ross.

I miss things too much. I also say I'm tired too much, sometimes when I'm not even tired. My mom ordered ink for our printer from the sketchiest ink sales website ever. The ink boxes don't even have a brand name on them. I'm not sure what to think.

Long range waves always miss their mark. Too many awkward explanations.

If I had a nickel for every time my dad grated cheeses too hard and grated part of his finger off I'd have 25 cents. It's too hard to tell the difference in color between the sauce and blood so we have to throw away some pasta.

I'm pretty sure something died in my car. For as many times as I clean it, it always smells funky. Funnnnkay.

Trevor is the worst name ever. Fuck that.

There are a lot of words associated with the base gym. And by a lot I mean like four. Gymnasium, gymnast, gymnastics, gym-throw-a-ball-at-a-fat-kid. Maybe just three.

I like palindromes, but it always pissed me off that the word palindrome wasn't a palindrome. We should call them palinilaps from now on.

"We kiss on the mouth, but still cough down our sleeves." -MM
6 joes thought to| respond

And I Still Got Love For Tha Streets [08 Aug 2006|05:41pm]
The microphone stood there on the stage. A spotlight was opened on it, giving it a glare that made everyone in the front of the crowd shield their eyes. Its black finish reflected the light in an imperfect way, giving way to bends and fragments of color that hadn't been there before. A fat man wandered onto the stage, unsure of his footing in front of the amalgamation of townspeople. The microphone still stood on its island, motionless. The man, gaining some confidence after his first shock, took three long steps to that island, each step echoing throughout the dance hall, reverberating off the back wall. The hall was still littered with decorations from last night's prom, and the stale smell of puke lingered in the air. Luke missed high school at the moment, but he wasn't exactly sure why. He wasn't one of those jockish types that always came drunk to dances, but something about the atmosphere put him at ease. He finally felt like he was comfortable in his old town, standing in this garish add-on room off of the Marriot. He had disliked the notion of returning, but his best friend had decided to get married back home, and Luke was dragged into the whole debacle. That all seemed distant now. Luke was wrapped up in the moment, watching colored confetti floating around the room. It was only when the fat man spoke that Luke broke out his nostalgic daydream.

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, we have brought you all here because of the atrocities that have occurred lately in our humble town. I can assure you, we have the police working night and day on the case. But, so far, we have been left with no leads. However, today I was contacted by the Federal Bureau of Investigations. It seems that they would like to send us a team of their top officials to help us out. They will be arriving tomorrow."

Everyone around Luke breathed a sigh of relief. The F.B.I. was involved. They were safe. They could go back to their daily routine, never again having to worry whether they could send their daughters to school in the morning. Luke was uncertain about the whole idea. He knew his old town to be naive, and was quick to disagree with a popular decision. He worried that the F.B.I.'s involvement would give this string of rape-murders too much press. He didn't want to have to introduce himself as "The guy from the rape capitol of the United States." He knew he was being selfish, but a part of Luke wanted to disassociate himself from his hometown, and this almost made it impossible to do so. He had become a part of it even though he knew no one involved. He was now a spokesman for his town as soon as he stepped outside it. There was nothing he could do. He was trapped. Luke began to nervously fidget, a habit he had broken since leaving ten years ago. It was the light, the air, the people around him. The moment he had once been enjoying began to suffocate him. He was alone in a room full of people. Luke fell to the ground and began seizing.
1 joe thought to| respond

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